Mr. Homesteader’s Cure for the Common Cold

Despite it being a beautiful 80-degree end to the summer, the Homesteader Family seems to have caught a bad cold. Sniffles and snot, coughing and hacking, sinus pressure and pain, I HATE being sick! I understand that no one likes being sick, but there’s a measurable, active difference between “I don’t like this” and “I hate this”.

I knew I needed to shorten this period of misery and I was unsatisfied with the chemicals from the store. Thus I began searching and experimenting with concoctions and recipes from hither and yon. I read articles from the Internet, poured over old journals from gold rush miners, and even analyzed some Latin writing from Roman generals.

Finally, I succeeded in augmenting a cure that’s based on something French Voyageurs used to use when they were hundreds of miles away from civilization and didn’t have access to medicine. It’s a little mystical but don’t let that stop you from giving it a shot. It always gets me back on my feet and I thought I’d share it. Plus, in true Homesteader fashion, it’s 100% organic, free-range, and made from recyclable materials. Hippies rejoice!

Mr. Homesteader’s Cure for the Common Cold
Ingredients:
-4 cups of grit
-2 cups of “suck it up, cupcake”
-3 tablespoons of “quit your whining”
-1 tablespoon of “tell me when you’re actually sick”
-1 teaspoon of “get over it”
-Frank’s Red Hot to taste
Directions:
Pour the grit into a large bowl and fold in the “suck it up, cupcake”. Think about all the things you need to get done despite the fact that you’re sick. Add the “quit your whining” and “tell me when you’re actually sick”. Whisk together rapidly and remember that you have been and will be sicker than you are now. It’s really not that bad after all. Slowly add the granules of “get over it” as you fight the temptation to feel sorry for yourself. Let the whole thing sit for a day at the most. Serve chilled with Frank’s Red Hot

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